NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
