Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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