I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we're so committed to being not committed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
