The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
