To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
