The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
