bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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