I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
