are you still at the devil's house?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
