Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
