Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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