So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
