I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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