I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He passed out mid-signature
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
