11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
