16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
