and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
