She is in my trunk
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
