I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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