Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
