This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
