Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize