Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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