walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
