nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
