In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize