I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
