I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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