I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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