The beer is more important than you right now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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