Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
