He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
