what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize