I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
