u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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