the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
