I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
