Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
