Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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