I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
