Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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