i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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