Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
