omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
