U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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