My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You don't make any sense
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