He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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