I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
