I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
