I hate all girls vehemently.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize