his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
