I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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