How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
