your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
