he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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