I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
