He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
