The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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