just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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