you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
