Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
