My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
