And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize