Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize